Was heißt Exzellenz in Englisch?

Mir ist aufgefallen, dass zwar des öfteren mal kleinere – oder auch einen größeren – Vergleich zwischen beiden Schulsystem gegeben habe, allerdings Beispiele doch eher knapp ausfallen.
Gestern habe ich endlich mein Englisch Internal abgeben können, das Thema war Extended Piece of Writing. Übersetzen lässt sich das schwer, aber ein längeres Textstück passt wohl am besten. Die Klasse war dazu angeregt, eine Debatte als Thema zu verwenden, aber da ich hier meinen eigenen Kurs zusammenstelle, habe ich mich für eine Kurzgeschichte entschieden.
Die Voraussetzungen waren hierbei eine Textlänge von mindestens 800 Wörtern (ausreichend für ein achieved (bestanden) also eine Note von 4.0), der korrekte Einsatz der jeweiligen Textkonventionen, das überzeugende Entwickeln einer Idee mit Einsicht und/oder Originalität und eine klare Struktur, die angebracht für den jeweiligen Text Typ, die Leserschaft und den Zweck ist.

Das klingt alles relativ trocken, grob und ich muss sagen – schwer verständlich. Als ich diese Voraussetzungen gelesen habe, hatte ich keine Ahnung, wie sich diese Kriterien in meinem Text zeigen würde. Es hat seine Zeit gedauert, aber ich habe meine Exzellenz Arbeit gestern endlich abschließen können. Wer einen Blick darauf werfen möchte, dem setze ich den Text an den Ende dieses Eintrags. Leider ist meine Arbeit vollständig in englisch, ich spiele jedoch mit dem Gedanken, den Text für Leser ohne Kenntnisse dieser Sprache noch einmal ins Deutsche zu übersetzen.

Damit dann viel Spaß beim Lesen, solltet ihr die Geduld für meinen Aufsatz haben:

[…] „Once upon a time…“
You remember those lines. They meant peace. They meant protection. They meant love. Associated with this are those images that are conveyed; you are lying in your bed, your mother is sitting beside you, holding a book. She was telling you of stories bigger than life: Knights fighting for nothing but justice, honour as their highest value. Dragon slaying heroes, freeing the people from the monster and showing what it means to outgrow yourself. Prince Charming rescuing the princess from the grasp of the villain.
All those stories seemed so much more than you were. And with those memories, a tear falls, running down your cheek.
The knight’s squire died from a poisoned arrow, shot by the burglars they stopped who were robbing the innocent damsel in distress. But the knight avenged him gloriously.
The hero’s brother died in the flames of the dragon. His screams were always present in the hero’s head, but he pulled strength out of the rage he felt.
Prince Charming took his faithful followers with him. None of them returned, but their memories live on in the princess‘ thankfulness and love.
They all left out what you know now. Pain. They glorified it; the honour always seemed to surpass what they had to sacrifice. But the people telling the stories heard of those big men, they never saw their pain, felt it or learned what they went through. There was never anything glorious about a fight for survival. […]

[…] A tree hanging in the alleyway. You’re running along. Duck! A rubbish bin lying on the street, the content spread over the concrete. Jump! End of the street, left or right?! Right! Around the corner! You are running and you know you can’t stop. They are behind you. You didn’t believe what you heard this morning but you should have. You are never going to make this mistake again, logic doesn’t always apply to what is happening around you and you should have known that after everyone disappeared.
„On your left!“ You hear JD’s scream just in time from the side, the sound rising over the sharp hissing and growling from behind you. You throw your body to the side, roll over something that seems like gravel. The feeling of your skin is scratched off your elbows by the raw ground barely reaches your adrenalin filled mind. A reddish shape flies over you and the wall of air the creature’s movement brings with it leaves a cold feeling on your skin. You roll further around onto your arms but while you just try to push yourself up you can see the creature’s right arms‘ claws swinging towards your chest.
„NO!“ The scream seems to put the creature off for a split second and before it completes its movement its head gets smashed to the ground. With a deep vibrating beat of the bat the lizard like animal goes to the ground and you see JD standing behind the motionless body.
„NEVER underestimate the effect of the combination of aluminium and leverage applied to the right spot ever again!“
„At least I’m never going to underestimate your swing ever again!“
Your small feeling of success fades as you remember that there was more than one of those beasts around.
„You made your point buddy, but I doubt that you could repeat that about four more times?“
„Five… And I’m not even sure about that!“
Now you have to pay for the time you lost by escaping the first predator. Five more creatures that had been chasing you are forming a half circle around you two and begin to revolve around you. A possible escape route has been cut off by the wall in your back.
„I get where the connection to sharks comes in!“
„But you had to verify what I said, didn’t you?!“
The five creatures you are aware of begin to draw their circles closer but seem to be held back by the polished silver of the baseball bat.
„Oh c’mon, would you just have accepted the fact that the dinosaurs got resurrected if someone would have told you?!“
„Combining it with the fact that all of a sudden everyone else disappeared: Yes, I would have considered it!“
While you are still thinking of how to counter it, the first beast jumps to the front […]

Imagine you are a child again. You are standing up in the morning, it is sunny and no light is needed. You are coming from your room into the kitchen, searching for your parents. But nobody is there. The kettle is not running as it usually would be, the newspaper is not lying on the table, there is no sound from the radio cracking in the background.
It is unexpected. Nobody told you they were not home that morning. If they were, the TV would be forbidden terrain but now that you have the chance, you go and turn it on. Nothing; the only thing you can see is a snow storm: white and black pixels dancing on the screen creating an annoying sound that already begins to hurt your ears while you are still trying to figure out what is happening here.
Sometimes faith just does not let you do what you want. It had to be one of the few mornings without your parents and there are problems with reception! After contemplating what other rules there normally are that temporarily become less important, you decide to find out what your parents planned without your joint knowledge.
Usually the neighbours know when the rest of your family is going out. Even though you’re old enough now, they always want someone to know that you’re alone at home. You grab your shoes on the way out and go over to your neighbour’s house, then knock against the door. Although you are waiting for ages, you ring the bell, knock again and again: no reaction is coming.
Until now you didn’t pay attention to your environment but slowly the feeling that something is odd becomes knowing and you feel as if this wrongness was lying in front of you, you could just grab it. Looking around, it is the same neighbourhood you’ve lived in for most of the time you can remember, a small street at the border of the village and a few simple houses around it. Each one has a small garden in front, looking lovely and calm, peaceful. You can’t spot any difference until you begin to listen to what is around you. The only thing you can hear is a thick silence, nearly visible, you can nearly feel it on your skin, taste it with your tongue. Even though you know there are birds around and you can see them, they don’t make a sound.
While you are standing there this feeling begins to terrify you, it is unnatural, it shouldn’t be. At this time of the day there should be the first cars on the street, people walking along the footpath, the first trains are leaving the station and the usual sound of the traffic comes to your ears. None of that seems to be happening.
In the desperate hope to find someone else in this human forgotten world, you run out on the street, along the paths towards the town centre. All the houses you pass seem to be lifeless; the curtains are closed, the doors are closed, their cars parked in the parking-lots. Empty. While you are running, you barely look to the sides, just searching for a sign of human life and you begin to understand that you are the only one left, that apart from you, there is nobody in this town anymore. Everyone has just disappeared. It is in this moment, you notice a small movement in the corner of your eye, no more than a moving curtain in a window to the left. You stop, take a look at it and realise that it is part of the house of your friend from school. One of those people that you know, that you work with but never built a closer relationship with; there was never the need for a friendship.
The shock stops you on the spot. The tension of your body language is disappearing, leaving you with hanging arms and a dropping maxilla. You’re back is bowed as you can often see it in people that mentally left the place they were at. While your brain is still trying to progress this information and draw a conclusion, your train of thoughts gets abruptly interrupted. A scream is ripping through the permanent silent of this morning, like a gunshot in your ears. While you are still trying to regain control over your buddy, friend embraces you with ferocity who seems as shocked and joyful at the same time as you to see another living human. When both of you realise that you’re still embraced in your hug you quickly try to get some room between you two and look at each other:
„You… you know, I had a weird day, sorry. How was yours?“
This reaction is confusing you until you realise, that your friend cannot even be sure that you had a weird morning as much as you did. But how can you know that it was the same for…?
„Yeah, it was unusually empty around my house… How are your parents, JD?“
„I haven’t seen them in a while, I’m not sure. Doing some morning sport? I didn’t know you could run like this!“
Okay, that was not really explicit. But that reaction was unusual.
„Oh, I thought I had… lost something.“ Now or never: „Okay, c’mon! Have you seen anyone apart from me today?! I nearly thought I lost it, until I met you – I haven’t seen anybody in the streets!“
You can see the relief in JD’s face. Neither one of you is going crazy.
„Oh God, that’s a relief! I doubted my own sanity. No, I haven’t seen my parents all morning, the phone is not working, the TV only shows me different picturesque interpretations of the twelve-tone technique and on the radio you hear those in practical form.“
You ignore the mental question mark following his interesting metaphors and use the context to open up the meaning behind these words.
„Even though I haven’t tried the radio and the phone yet, I can confirm that the TV won’t help us. I was on the way into town when you stopped me, shall we take a look if we can find anyone there?“
„I’m not sure if that is a good idea. Have you seen what happened this morning? I got woken up by the strangest of noises and ran to the window to see what was going on. It was still dark, but I could see three shapes in the twilight surrounding our neighbour’s dog. This reminded me of… sharks, circling around their bait. They seemed to be of a red colour, always attacking from behind with some sort of claws. That’s why I didn’t go into town, looking for others: they snatched the dog and pulled it between the fronts of the houses. I don’t even think we should be out here…“
Even though just five seconds ago, you were in doubt of your own mind, now it you friends‘ who you are in doubt about.
„Are you sure? Maybe just some dogs having a fight…“
„With twice as big as the Australian shepherd of my neighbour?! No, I know what I saw!“
„Whatever… I’m going to head into town; I need to know what is happening here.“
„Wait… give me five minutes, I won’t let you go alone like this.“
With these words your new comrade-in-arms disappears around the corner of the house and comes back with what seems to be an aluminium baseball bat.
„Okay, are you for real?! You want to run around in town with a baseball bat?!“
The only respond you get is a killing glance followed by your friend rushing into the street and something that sounds like „you coming or not?” With nothing but two options left: to either stay here and strike roots or actually do something constructive and get cracking – you set your body in motion and begin to stroll down to your friend […]

[…] The campfire is burning ironically happily in the middle of the small group. Everyone is just staring into the flames; nobody dares to break the short break that the silence promises you. You all know, that it will not last long.
„AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!“ A bloodcurdling scream pierces the night, leaving a shiver in all living things. You can see the colour in the faces of your friends disappearing like your shared hopes. It should never have come that far; it was always just a game. But now it is reality. It is not as simple as it seemed in the beginning, your limitless world turned from the lack of limits for fun to the lack of limits for horror.
The cracking of bones makes your memories come back again. You were the runner; you had to get them into the trap. The nets were up in the tries, the hunters were sitting on branches, hidden in the dark of the leaves. Everything was prepared; finally you would have a proper meal again. Since those things appeared it got harder and harder to find supplies; the towns were full of those beasts, shops that sold meat were the first to be broken into. The smell pulled them in like flies.
The hissing behind you brought you off; a stumble in your running, one step that did not land as it should and this was the moment in which you lost it. Those few seconds were enough to lose the lizard’s attention and it ran past the perfectly set trap. Straight to her… She did not have a chance.
„Pete, get your ass moving, I need that alcohol!“
„I can’t do two things at once, Kate!“
They didn’t let you help before, you were not clear enough. At least now you can do something; you lift your body from the stump you’ve been sitting on and make your way to the medic’s barrack. You can’t see them but you know everyone’s eyes are following you. Everyone knows it was your mistake, but nobody dares to put it out there.
„I got it Kate, just give me a sec.“
It doesn’t take long to find the bottle of medical alcohol. Not much of your supplies are left.
You take a deep breath and lift the flap to enter the tent.
„Here you go. Do you…“ The rest of your sentence falls apart into an opening and closing of your mouth; you know it was bad, but nothing could have prepared you for that. You cannot do anything but stare on her leg. Lines are drawn into her flesh were once meat seemed to have been. Whole chunks of her leg are missing, leaving muscles, veins and bones open to the eye. The metallic smell coming with it nearly makes you vomit.
„Stop staring and make yourself useful!“
Kate’s yelling gets you back to reality.
„Here, I got the whole bottle. Can I help you with that?“
„Hold her still. Moving won’t make the pain disappear.“
You take a look at her leg and grab the lower part that still appears to be in one piece. All the blood flowing down her shin makes it hard to see anything but the rough shape.
„Seph? Hey, look at me!“ – You are looking her straight in the eyes but you cannot see much in them but pain and torture – „HEY! Listen to me!“
„She won’t answer you. Her mind is shutting out the pain; the alcohol will do the rest and hopefully let her black out. I’d like save her that feeling but without it the wound will get infected and she will die in a matter of days. If that.“
There is no judgement in her voice, just plain facts. Seph might be the next to fall prey to those bastards. But this time you begin to understand. […]

[…] „Hey, did you still not catch anything?“
Just emerging from your dream world, your mind comes back to reality.
„You know I’m coming here to get some quiet, not to actually catch a fish…“
„What are you trying to say?“ Seph grins at you and you know you’re net being taken seriously.
„And again, you know exactly what I mean.“ You grumpiness loses ground as her natural happiness takes over. It is contagious and you can’t help but joining in in her smile. She takes seat beside you on the bench at the shore. The lake in front of you is flat like a mirror, showing what you could see above: your hometown, abandoned and empty. You tried to get back twice since you left, but each time you just managed to come back narrowly. It was no place for humans anymore, it was theirs.
You do not even realise how your faces hardens.
„Hey, don’t let them take away more than they already did. You still got yourself!“
A few more seconds your eyes hang on to the outline of the city when you manage to avert your gaze and turn away your head.
„Yes, but they did not leave me with much more than that.“
Her hand under your chin forces to look up, straight into her eyes.
„You are not the only one who had to leave some things behind. We all did. You should not give up on yourself that easily!“
Any protest that could come from you gets sealed by her lips, letting you forget your pain for at least a while. […]

[…] It is sun down. Sky and earth seem to merge into one, the horizon disappears into twilight and the few sounds that are still left these times leave to sleep to the next morning. You are standing at the border, a line of trees trying to recapture the land that once was theirs and is not nothing but grassland broken up by lines of concrete. Like veins they are leading back to the heart, the centre of the city that some time ago was full of life and bustling activity. Now it seems more like a memory, part of a dream that you had last night and is leaving you behind hazy and dull. Your pain has disappeared. You are not afraid anymore, for that it is too late.
The last patch of light disappears, leaving the world behind in darkness. It feels empty, joins in the call of your soul for being filled. Filled with something, just to feel again, to become a being part again.
You are not really thinking about your actions, the urge to feel again is steering your body. You begin to move towards of the borderline of the city, closer to what will make you feel again.
You pass the first houses. Cars are standing at the side, scratched and partly dented. The fences are broken, post-boxes are toppled and kids‘ toys ripped into two.
Just for a second you are waking up, when your eyes catch the shine of the polished letters in front of your school. Time obtains new dimensions when each day is a struggle and a fight. It was not long ago, you think. But it seems like a different life now. It was not the person you are now, who has been running around on the schoolyard, happy, unaware of cruelties life can throw at you. That was the kid that believed the dragon slayer was happy.
You come quite far before you sense what you were waiting for. The scratching of bone claws over bare concrete, the smell of metal biting your nose and red patches in the shadows, circling around you as you move. The come closer to you but the absence of fear is irritating them, delaying the unavoidable. It is time now.
Out of your control, your feet are carrying you a well-known. From the school to the grocery store on the corner, along empty streets, through the tunnel under the main road and into a small suburb. Small houses, each with its own garden at the front, a little fence wrapped around it in a now meaningless attempt to ward of any intruders. Back to the place you left not long ago, so innocent and just wondering what was happening around you. You found your friend, went into town to find other survivors – yet you did not even know of the menace that came crawling up behind you. Encircled by those beasts, your new comrades came to rescue, swinging iron pipes, old hammers and sometimes even knives over their heads, pushing back those life forms you never saw before. One of them falls to their prey, leaving behind an empty spot amongst you all and giving a first impression of what was yet to come.
A more peaceful time followed. You escaped the city, searching for a safe place in the woods, building your camp and defending yourselves against the few beasts that found the way to your whereabouts. Seph was there, showing you, that life could be meaningful even with a loss you have to live with. But she couldn’t stay for long as she had to pay for your failure, for your idiocy and frivolity.
From then it went downwards. Nobody could look in each other’s eyes anymore, the heart of the group left them. There was no space for solidarity anymore, the fellowship fell apart. Those few that stayed around couldn’t fight them off for long and in a matter of days, nobody was left. They had died, ran away, split off the group.
Your way is coming to an end. You are standing in front of the gate that you walked through so many times. As if by a miracle it is the only part of your fence still intact. The lock never really worked so you just push it open and take those few steps towards the door. You can’t remember if you ever closed the house when you left, but now the door stands open.
Stairs are leading up the house on the left. You grab the handle and follow it in the half dark, coming up to the second floor. On your right you enter this familiar room, once part of you but unexpectedly estranged now. The bookshelf on the other side of the room catches what little attention is left and you blindly reach in and grab one.
A fairy-tale. The dragon slayer. The hero. The prince. One day someone who really lived those things would have to write a fairy-tale that did not leave out what was important. One day…
You turn around; follow the stairs down to the door. You did not realize you closed it before. You unlock it and with it comes the feeling of eyes following you as take the first step. Your walk ends in the middle of the garden; you sit down and just wait. In your hands, is the small book, giving you something to hold on to. It is over and you know that you can’t change it.
A last glimpse up to the rooftops and the silhouette of the moon. Wasn’t there someone…? No, it can’t be.
Now you can see those again you missed so much. Now you can rest…

Solltet ihr es bis hierhin geschafft haben, muss ich sagen Respekt und ich würde mich in jedem Falle über eine Rückmeldung freuen!

Damit verabschiede ich mich vorerst wieder und noch eine schöne Woche.

4 Gedanken zu „Was heißt Exzellenz in Englisch?

  1. Ich habs geschafft :D
    Ne, im Ernst der Text/die Geschichte (ich weiß nicht, wie ich es nennen soll) ist echt super, super gut. „Exzellent“ als Bewertung hast du dafür eindeutig verdient. Die Aufgabenstellung habe ich zwar immer noch nicht verstanden, aber das Ergebnis lässt sich sehen. So was gibt es bei uns ja leider wirklich nie…

    Zu deinem letzten Artikel:
    Nicht schlecht was du da alles so am machen bist. Klingt als hättest du (immer noch) jede Menge zu tun und jede Menge Spaß dabei ;)
    Es ist nur irgendwie schwer sich vorzustellen, dass du Ski fahren bist, obwohl es hier auch langsam wieder kälter wird.
    Und die Bilder vom Theaterstück sind … ähm ja … interessant. Das hätte ich glaube ich gerne gesehen.

    • Danke, freut mich, dass es so gut angekommen ist! Und Hut ab, die Geduld haben sicherlich nicht viele ;D
      Na ja, beide Bezeichnungen sind ja letztlich richtig. Aufgabenstellungen hier sind in solche Fächern – Wirtschaft, Drama, Englisch, in denen man längere relativ freie Texte hat – leider generell so geschrieben. Der Vorteil ist die hohe Freiheit, die damit einhergeht, aber gleichzeitig auch eine gewisse Orientierungslosigkeit, wenn du an das System nicht gewöhnt bist. Beste Devise: mach einfach und frag den Lehrer, auf welchem Level deine Arbeit momentan ist. Mach es so oft neu, bis es passt.

      So langsam füllt sich meine freie Zeit, aber Schule dürfte bald ihr übriges tun. Spaß dabei sicherlich, gerade weil ich diese Woche in das Rennteam und das Freestyle Team für die Skimeisterschaften der Nordinsel aufgenommen wurde. Jetzt muss ich aber wirklich öfter auf die Piste! Solange du nicht auf dem Berg bist, ist es hier auch mollig warm. Gestern bin ich in Shorts und Unterhemd rumgerannt, einfach weil die Hitze im Auto stand.

      Verstörend ist der passendere Begriff, nicht wahr? ;O Lass es mich so ausdrücken: es war ein Assessemnt und alle Drama Assessments für das NCEA werden gefilmt… If you know what I mean ;)

  2. Ja, verstörend passt ganz gut.

    Was heißt den mollig warm? Mollig angenehm warm oder mollig viel zu heiß?

    • Im angenehmen Sinne mollig. Zumindest solange man noch Schichten hat, die man ausziehen kann… aber es ist gerade erst Frühlingsanfang, die Temperatur kommt erst im Sommer zur Geltung.

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